"Passage/Reader Response"

"When my eyes closed, it was the desert, black space and sparkly stars, so up there it made me feel both old enough for this and way young-thought of and seen so much, it had all been too far away or hidden from what I knew about- a sky too high and far away that I could have never seen it from this city if I were to look up, straight at it, as someone kept pointing it out like constellations I didn't see."  Throughout the novel we have read how Sonny places himself in different imaginary scenarios.  I believe Sonny does this when he does not know exactly how to go about handling a certain situation he is being pushed into or he is just confused about what he should do or how he should react.  Sonny feels he is old enough to fully experience what Cindy is willing to offer.  But in his mind knows he is not mature enough and visually pictured himself older.  This experience was still very far from Sonny's thoughts at least with this person and would not happen any time soon because, this had always been hidden from anything that he knew about.  Sonny was almost one-hundred percent positive that an experience like this was nowhere near especially, were he was moving too even if it had hit him in the face literally.  For example, the passage I quoted arises from the scene in which Cindy begins to seduse him as they are in her apartment.  She begins to get closer and closer to Sonny to the point which she is making him feel uncomfortable but, at the same time arousing him to become excited.  She not only made Sonny feel comfortable but, strongly guided him to what she wanted him to do.  But Sonny confused and in his mind thinking he should stop he just lays there.  Not sure of what Sonny should do with many thoughts running through his head.  "I'm sure if I touch her she won't stop me," but the unsure feelings make him just lay there even as she undressed him and caressed his manliness.  Sonny once again falls into another imaginary scenario as she proceeds to arouse him knowing that at this point if she hasn't stopped he is not about to stop her. At this point Sonny wants Cindy to continue doing what she has started.  Sonny feeling good but, in sudden shock with what just occurred is unable to speak.  Following I believe with immediate humiliation and embarrassment of the unkind words he felt Cindy had said to him which he felt were undeserved.  Which in turn brought back feelings of anger as in the past which made him want to go back to his old habits of stealing.  Due to the fact that he believed Cindy made him feel like he was worthless and at the same time made him look like a punk.  He felt there was no way he could defend himself.